Ever wondered how you end up in a place where somehow you never thought you will end up at?
I have been a great observer of life but never actually took major steps towards living it.. I take calculated risks ; make sure I do not upset anyone in a desperate trial to fit in which is basically a complete loss of my resources.. mentally and emotionally because I never fit in…
This post is about me telling you that it’s OK to feel sad.. overwhelmed and “used”…to some extent!
I have always defined myself as a nice person.. but what is a nice person …really?
A nice person is the person who:
- Always puts others ahead of him/herself.
- You can always depend on him/her in times of crisis.
- Uses his / her own resources to serve other people’s good fortune.
- Puts a smile on their face no matter what he/she feels just because they do not want to hurt others by being off-mood !
- Offers a helping hand even if it’s not asked for because they appreciate other people but never actually expect anything in return or a similar action any time soon.. or ever ! Really they do not!
So by now you do have a vision of how my life been going for the last few years.. me being in the end of the list…what I mean in “Me” is basically :
My mental and emotional state which I separate totally from my physical being!
So I end up feeling good emotionally for helping someone but tired and exhausted physically.. or feel great mentally for learning a new skill or gaining a certain new knowledge… And poured my heart into… where on the other hand I would be faced with a big selfish …backstabbing ..
Oh you didn’t have to do it.. I didn’t ask you to! Any ways I will take it!
So I end up an emotional wreck .. with a polished mind!
I know I have to stop.. .putting people’s opinions and feelings before mine..but it’s not easy.. it’s like switching from oxygen to water!
Can you turn into a fish overnight?
I am not a big fan of Darwin’s evolution theory but I do believe in evolution itself and the fact that you have to change in order to survive..
So how can I turn into a fish?living off a different substance other than feeling good for people’s good fortune? And learning to feel OK to feel happy for myself without feeling I am being selfish?
I have to develop fish gills…
It meanes I have to develop new organs… Or in other words develop new levels of conscious:
- Emotional gills
- Mental gills
- Physical gills
I have no idea how to do that…
Let me think!